September 04, 2003
Malkor: Behind the Mystic

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Some say he's a spriggin. Others say he is a refugee from the Sylvan Learning Center. Is he in league with Tenebrion? Who is Malkor anyway? Soon, TMN will run a new interview with this mysterious character. We'll find out more about his hopes, his dreams, and where he keeps all his coins and whatever other funny stuff mystics pack around. For now, please read below for a previous interview with Malkor from the Fishwrap Magazine archives.

"A TMN Classic" (like a summer rerun, only different, somehow)
From Fishwrap #29 (OOC: January 28, 2001)


(Paramedic looks at Malkor)
Malkor ponders, "Do I owe him coins?"
(Malkor smiles meekly.)
(Paramedic looks at Malkor)
Paramedic says, "Malkor, some readers of the Fishwrap have been requesting a feature interview with you."
Soulmaster exclaims, "don't do it Malkor!"
Malkor says, "Why me? I'm not very interesting."
Luminary ponders, "ooh! A live Fishwrap interview!"
Paramedic says, "Some exiles are quite intrigued."
Malkor says, "Hrm.""
Malkor asks, "Why don't you interview Luminary?"
Soulmaster exclaims, "or you could interview me!"
Luminary says, "Yeah...I'll dish dirt on Malkie..."
Malkor says, "I know I'd read one with her."
Soulmaster exclaims, "I'm an interesting thing!"
(Paramedic shows Malkor the list of requests with Malkor on top)"
Luminary says, "C'mon's just five questions."
Paramedic asks, "So are you ready for the Malkor interview?"
(Org du Lac wonders whether Paramedic will end up interviewing anyone.)
(Paramedic wonders too.)
(Org du Lac takes a seat.)
Malkor says, "Prolly not, but go right ahead."
Org du Lac ponders, "Thoom"
Paramedic says, "Excellent."
(Sleipnir watches and listens with interest)
Paramedic asks, "1) So, how are your relations with the Spriggins these days?"
(Malkor sighs.)
(Paramedic listens)
(Sleipnir listens too)
Malkor says, "We get along swell, I suppose, but people keep interrupting our get-togethers."
Sleipnir asks, "No sparkling wit, Malkor?"
(Malkor glares at Sleipnir.)
Org du Lac exclaims, "Xepel was seen eating spriggins himself a couple days ago!"
Soulmaster says, "I hope that wasn't a pun, Sleipnir"
Paramedic asks, "Does it bother you when people kill Spriggins?"
Org du Lac exclaims, "And right in town square!"
Luminary ponders, "ugh. The spirit of Kodo has taken over Sir Sleipnir"
Malkor says, "Well, only the ones who owe me coins."
Paramedic asks, "Do you consider yourself a Spriggin, or just someone close to them?"
Malkor says, "Me? Of course I'm a spriggin."
(Sleipnir scoffs quietly)
(Malkor twirls his spriggin stick confidently.)
(Paramedic nods)
(Malkor waves to his friend.)
Eating spriggin bits makes Malkor a little jumpy.
Paramedic asks, "So you just consider yourself a large spriggin?"
Malkor says, "Right. For some reason they don't like to eat as much as I do."
Paramedic says, "Hmm. That makes sense."
Malkor exclaims, "See, that's exactly the sort of thing I'm talking about!"
V'ree asks, "What?"
(Malkor points at Sleipnir.)
Paramedic asks, "That they killed that Spriggin?"
(V'ree was trying to help it escape)
Sleipnir says, "Spriggens are thieves, liars, and cheats."
Malkor says, "That oaf Sleipnir."
Paramedic says, "Hmm"
(Malkor points to the corpse.)
Paramedic says, "Maybe we should move to a new topic."
V'ree exclaims, "But it did not do anything to you, nor was it hurting anything!"
(Sleipnir kills any spriggin he can catch)
Sleipnir says, "True, V'ree. It be a most unfair world."
Malkor says, "Him and his kind feel a need to compensate for their own inadequacies by beating up poor li'l spriggins."
Malkor asks, "Did I mention only ugly people kill spriggins?"
Paramedic says, "No you didn't"
Sleipnir says, "I feel a need to beat up thieves and cheats."
(Malkor makes a high-pitched snarl.)
Sleipnir says, "Continue with the interview, I pray ye."
(Paramedic tries to settle Malkor down a bit)
Sleipnir says, "It be most entertaining."
V'ree says, "That would give everyone else the right to beat up bullies, which would be for the most part, you Sleipnir"
Paramedic asks, "2) What do you say about the rumors you stole a sword from Tenebrion?"
V'ree ponders, "he stole a sword of souls. No denying it"
Malkor asks, "Stole a sword?"
Paramedic says, "Or something"
Malkor says, "Yes, I suppose some people would call it "stealing."…"
Sleipnir ponders, "As I said. Spriggins are thieves."
(Malkor grumbles.)
Paramedic says, "Tell us your side of the story"
Sleipnir asks, "Do we wish to hear it, Paramedic?"
Malkor says, "I'm just doing what I know is right."
Paramedic says, "Yes we do."
Paramedic asks, "So what happened?"
(Sleipnir grumbles)
Malkor says, "Well, Tenebrion contacted me via the sunstone..."
Malkor says, "He asked me to do all sorts of things in exchange for a sword of souls."
Paramedic says, "Mmm-hmm"
Paramedic asks, "and?"
Malkor exclaims, "He wants to turn that mirror in the South Forest into a ripture to the void, you know!"
Paramedic asks, "He does?"
(Malkor nods.)
V'ree says, "Malkor said he was going to trade a purgatory pendant to Tenebrion for the sword. The trade went on, with Tenebrion giving Malkor a sword.. and Malkor ran off, not holding his part of the bargain"
Malkor says, "Oh, pfft."
Paramedic says, "Go on, Malkor"
Malkor exclaims, "You're all a bunch of hypocrites!"
Malkor says, "Para, it's not fair."
Malkor says, "They slaughter innocent spriggins and pilfer coins without giving it a second thought…"
V'ree ponders, "Malkor doesnt want to face the truth..."
(Paramedic listens)
Malkor exclaims, "But when I try the same on a truly evil man, I'm a criminal!"
Paramedic asks, "So do you have a Sword of Souls now?"
Malkor says, "Erm, yeah…"
V'ree says, "Tenebrion is offering an award to get his sword back.... I think"
Paramedic asks, "Have you tried it?"
Hawkthorn says, "he placed a bounty on Malkor."
Sleipnir asks, "Doth he want Malkor's head with it?"
V'ree asks, "What is the bounty, anyway?"
Malkor says, "Yeah, I've got it, Para."
Malkor says, "I don't steal anyone's soul with it, 'coz I'm nice like that."
Malkor says, "Though somedays…"
(Malkor glares at Sleipnir.)
(Sleipnir smiles sweetly)
Paramedic asks, "Has Tenebrion been in contact with you again?"
Malkor says, "Tenebrion? Yeah, he makes lots of threats."
Paramedic asks, "Do you fear him?"
Malkor says, "Well, I don't think he's much more powerful than your run
of the mill Darshak necromancer…"
Paramedic says, "hmmm"
Malkor says, "… but those scare me, too."
Paramedic says, "interesting"
Paramedic asks, "3) What do you think about the Orga Camp Raids? Are
exiles making progress?"
Malkor says, "Slowly."
Malkor says, "The recent death vermine infestation in the fourth camp remains a problem."
(Malkor grumbles.)
Malkor says, "We need more exiles to attend the raids."
Paramedic asks, "Are the stones that exiles are getting really worth all the trouble?"
Malkor exclaims, "Of course!"
Paramedic asks, "Why are they so important?"
(Malkor blinks.)
Malkor asks, "Er, you mean, to non-Mysitcs?"
Paramedic says, "Sure. Give our readers some insight on their value"
Malkor says, "Oh. Well, um…"
Paramedic says, "You don't have to give away secrets"
Paramedic says, "I mean sort of generally"
Malkor says, "Oh, that's easy."
Malkor exclaims, "Giving Mystics stones has subtle but important
impacts on numerous levels!"
Malkor ponders, "I thought everyone knew that."
Luminary ponders, "We interrupt this Fishwrap interview for a special message. Join the next FMOCR, this Friday 1/26, starting around 9pm EST, 6pm PST."
(Paramedic nods)
Paramedic asks, "4) Where are your favorite places to travel, Malkor?
Hunting grounds?"
(Malkor thinks.)
Malkor says, "That's a toughie."
Malkor says, "I'd have to say Purgatory."
Paramedic asks, "Purgatory???"
* You feel mentally enhanced by Wuss Magic...
(Malkor nods.)
Malkor says, "Oh, I know, it doesn't seem like a hunting ground..."
Paramedic says, "Why Purgatory?"
(Paramedic listens)
Org du Lac exclaims, "Paramedic, you know that's the favorite hunting
grounds for all mystics!"
Malkor says, "Now that Tenebrion's amassing undine forces in the plane of Purgatory, I have a reason to stay."
Malkor exclaims, "I can slaughter hundreds of skeletons for hours on
end without ever finding the temple!"
* Your mental enhancement fades.
Paramedic asks, "Do you think we should go to war with Tenebrion to stop him from experimenting with purgatory?"
Malkor says, "Certainly."
Paramedic asks, "Do we have a chance of defeating him?"
Malkor says, "If we act now, perhaps."
Paramedic asks, "So he's getting stronger all the time?"
(Malkor nods!)
Paramedic says, "Hmmm."
Malkor says, "If those pansy diplomats have their way, we'll be knee-deep in Castle Guards by the time he's ready to invade."
Paramedic asks, "What did you think of Tarf's killing of the Tenebrion
Malkor says, "Eh, he just played into Tenebrion's hands."
Malkor says, "That "ambassador" was a trap."
Paramedic asks, "Ah, just increased tensions as Tenebrion sought?"
Malkor says, "Tenebrion knew what would happen if he sent a clumsy spy into town."
(Malkor nods.)
Paramedic says, "Hmm, interesting."
Paramedic asks, "Ok, 5) Do you have any thoughts on the Dal'Noth/Dew Juice situation?"
Malkor exclaims, "Oh, a trainer who can help us harvest juices needs to be located at once!"
Malkor exclaims, "My tips have been halved in just this past Zodiac, and they're falling still!"
Paramedic asks, "Do you understand what these juices are?"
(Malkor shrugs.)
Malkor says, "I dunno. Maybe it's marketable as an exotic drink."
Paramedic says, "That was my thought."
Paramedic says, "it might be good over ice."
Malkor says, "Aye, a fine addition to Puddleby's brewery."
Paramedic says, "ok, in keeping with Fishwrap interview tradition, you are now allowed to ask the Thoom 1 (ONE) question."
Malkor says, "Oh, hrm..."
Malkor says, "I'm even worse at interviewing than I am at being
Paramedic says, "It's a tricky business."
(Malkor thinks.)
Paramedic says, "I injure myself in interviews all the time."
Malkor says, "I can imagine."
Paramedic says, "Dislocated a flipper last week."
Paramedic says, "But anyway, your question please."
(Malkor nods.)
Malkor asks, "How much do I get paid for this interview?"
Paramedic says, "Special deal today. You receive 5 coins."
(Luminary chuckles)
Malkor exclaims, "Bah!"
You hand Malkor 5 coins. You have 151 remaining.
Org du Lac exclaims, "Think of the fame!"

Posted by Para at September 04, 2003 09:43 PM

Great (repeat) interview! I hope Malkor is as inciteful now as he was then.

Ask him the hard questions, Para! Pull no punches!

Posted by: Odes on September 4, 2003 10:36 PM

Mmmmm.... tasty spriggins. They are best when they are golden-brown honey-glazed... quite delicious, really!

Posted by: Xepel on September 5, 2003 06:29 AM
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