August 17, 2006
Connie Talks to Orgas


Connie Crete sent the following report to TMN:


Ok, so we all knows tha orgas has been particular antsy lately. Wangah's sent in his stories. Del reported yonder on tha Sentinel that onna hunt weirdness happened in DW. So since then, she's been particular innerested in huntin in DW. So we was up moseyin yonder and o course, one o them mini-invasions happened and we was wunnerin ifn it were caused by us bein around in DW, but I thinks that were pure-D coincedence.

Well, durin tha hunt I falled (big surprise) and it tooked a while fer thems ta come fetch me. This be preciselike what happened from after I falled ta when me and Kvynn got rescued causn I dunno which details ta leave out.

"hiyas guys"
(I dunno about ya, but I talks ta tha folks when I falls)
"so, what is nice orgas like ya doin inna place like this"
(Lots o Orga sayin "Die", "Keel", whatever. Figgure fer every like I says, there be 20 o thems in response)
"any o ya seen Waga recentlike?"
"this be not tha dorf ya seek"
A monster growls, "Waga!"
"Waga good? Waga bad?"
(Keep in mind he been seen in town and be tryin ta help exiles - mebbe as a orga turncoat - mebbe as a reformed orga - I dunno)
"Waga be a ok fella huh?"
"so - like um... we was jest out berry pickin?"
(I really dont wanna be ported ta OV - that'll put a crimp inna hunt)
"no hard feelins?"
A monster growls, "Orga land."
"ya, and a mighty fine land it be"
"whyfer dontcha go ta tha Metz?"
(Truthfully, this bugs me - I aint figgured it out yet - and how often does ya have tha chance ta ask?)
"is purdy land"
"Orga gots trees and caves and stuff"
"ya know Largo tried ta chat ya up a bit ago?"
(I didn't mean this like in "date" but that Largo, he gits around. Anyways, I were referrin ta him tryin ta be friends and all- but that were wayback)
"and so ya is.. um.. doin a lovely job with landscapin"
"has ya tried goin ta Peacetown?"
(Ya gotta admit - there is sum nice flowers yonder)
"has purdy flowers fer ya ta bring back"
(I means, think o what GardnerOrga could do with tha place!)
"so does ya pathfind?"
"I knows ya gots sum books up in here"
"how about that Orga Stronghold?"
"Lots o spidies unnerground"
A monster growls, "Spider bad."
"um.. Die.. that be so permanent"
(Ok, I admits it - tha constant "Die" "Keel" mantra dun gotted ta me by this point)
"I know!"
"we likes ta squish tha spidies"
"bad spidies"
"we is all kinda sorry bout kinda trapsin through yer back yard ta bash tha spidies"
(A blatant lie, but heck, Ima tryin ta talk my way outta gaia knows what when they still aint ported me)
"and tha trees! thems moves around a lot"
"so sum o them spidies has webs"
(Heck, between Fundin's Skein Reward and tha possibility o webwalkin shoes, I'll talk ta anybudy)
"thems webs slows ya down dont they?"
A monster growls, "Two eye. Talk much."
"yeppers I talks as much as I drinks"
"ya'll need a beer?"
(I means, ifn he were gonna raise me, I'd split a keg with him)
"beer be tha great equalizer"
(Behind any great drunk be a pisspoor philosophizer)
"oh, that reminds me..."
"ya knows how yer all over tha place? does ya explore lots?"
"causn I figgures ya is as curious about tha lands as I be"
A monster growls, "Orga land. Big."
"and likes ta explore and bash tha critters fer coins"
"oh ya!"
"whyfer aintcha at tha Abyss coinin?"
"causn I sees ya here, I sees ya there, I sees ya tha other place"
"but never tha Metz and never tha Abyss"
"come ta think o it, hasnt seen ya in Melly's basement neither"
"ya ever hunt tha tok'hans?"
"sum slippery snakes they be"
"so orga land be big alright.. lots o coins"
"lots o critters"
"and ya know what really be neat?"
"tha way ya slips in and around Jannars Grove"
"I figgures there be sum paths there ya knows I dont"
"dont suppose ya knows Voolcon?"
(Connie Crete clicks and whistles)
"ya knows? tha lil guys with tha zerkers?"
A monster growls, "Talk Altar."
"Which altar?"
"causn it occurred ta me a while back.. oh, I guess last zodiac"
A monster growls, "Altar!"
"there is more'n one Altar.. whyfer we dont hook ya up with another one?"
A monster growls, "Altar!" (different fella)
A monster growls, "Altar!" (yet another one)
A monster growls, "Altar!"
"whatcha wunnerin?"
"see? there be one yonder on Thieves..."
"is inna tent"
A monster growls, "Show."
"so - dont know many folks what uses it.. and it'd look FABULOUS in yer village"
"oh, does ya have .. what were that thought I jest had?"
"well I fergot"
(I gits ta thinkin so much I fergits sum o what I thoughted. Is worser tha more beer I has and worstest when I aint had beer inna while)
"show ya tha altar on Thieves?"
"so Orga Land be big - right?"
"so ya knows other Islands - lands across water?"
"tha one like 4 islands up"
"gotta Altar"
"that were tha thought!"
(sumtimes I remembers eventually - in this case I actually did)
"does ya gots Purgatory?"
"I is convinced when ya gits bashed, ya goes ta Orga Purgatory"
A monster growls, "Altar!"
(Ya knows, sum folks dont got ADD? Surprise me that these orgas dont!)
"jest like when we gits bashed we goes ta Exile Purgatory"
"right, tha Altar on Thieves"
"so ya said "show" show ya what?"
A monster growls, "Bring Altar!"
"thats heavy!"
(Oh, um.. I gots ta start doin sum fast talkin so I dont accidentally trade tha altar what aint mine and I has no intention o tradin away - away.
Ask Dande why there is two aways there)
"it dont jest pack up like a portable altar"
"has ya tried liftin it?"
(Mebbe I shouldnt o said that)
(Bout this time tha huntin crew be recovered and comin fer me - Manqy pops in ta grab me)
"oh dont mind Manqy, he be a zo"
"but - about this "bring altar" biz.. um.. uh.. ahh.... I sorta is um.. not kinda able ta do that"
A monster growls, "Altar!"
A monster growls, "Altar!" (different one)
A monster growls, "Altar!" (still another one)
"now look, I knows ya gots sum cousins yonder on Thieves"
A monster growls, "Altar!" (huh, their vocabulary be expandin)
"Altar - Thieves"
"so they're down yonder, why dontcha sneak in tha tent and borry that altar?"
A monster growls, "Altar. How. How Use?"
A monster growls, "Tell."
"um.. ah.. well, ya knows? Ima not percisely sure?"
(I aint o course. While I be a fighterhealermystic, I aint sure HOW tha altar works - jest that it does)
"it jest sits there"
"all .. tablellike"
(I may be drunked, but I thinks tellin em how ya taps tha altar and it brings ya back yonder be a bad idea)
"and we pops in from Purgatory ta there"
"but tha actual "usin" I dunno ifn we does"
A monster growls, "Life?"
"I hadnt thought o tha Altar bein alive"
"is more like "base""
(O course as I says this I has this crazy vision o orgas runnin around yellin 'alla yer base belongs ta us')
"Life - what be life?"
"so like tha Altar be there - and ifn we goes yonder.. now tha 'thereal plane used ta go ta Purgatory, but now it goes ta tha Portal Isle"
A monster growls, "Purg Tor. What?"
"so anyways, I dont think I acutally uses tha Altar as much as it uses"
"Purg Tor.. is a -not-orga-land"
"so yer out huntin stuff, like spidies"
"and then"
The Orga Warlock glares at Manquilor.
(bout here tha huntin group almost gits me and tha strangest thing - tha orgas chain me southeast fer ta keep talkin)
(Connie Crete waves)
K'vynn yells, "Mreow!"
Connie Crete yells, "beer"
K'vynn yells, "connie?"
Connie Crete yells, "beer"
(well, alla orgas follows and regathers)
"hiyas guys" (tha orgas)
"beer, OrgaTalker"
(then they goes and chains Kvynn)
"I see ya found Kvynn"
K'vynn asks, "Ghrre'tsei Connie?"
Manquilor yells, "ber?" (tha crew still be far off, but at least on tha snell and makin progress)
"well, Kvynn, me and OrgaTAlker is discussin Purgatory - PurgTor"
Dandelion yells, "Any Fallen? Hurtin'? ... Jus' need a l'il TLC?"
Connie Crete yells, "beer"
K'vynn yells, "Milk!"
"and Ima tellin em how they kin have tha Thieves Isle Altar"
"and they says "Bring Altar""
"and I says "well, um, is too heavy""
A monster growls, "Purg Tor!"
K'vynn says, "i've never seen an altar moved."
"and O-T "Orga Talker" wants ta know how PurgTor works"
K'vynn asks, "Oh?"
"so anyway, I was sayin Ima not sure that I makes tha Altar do anythin"
"but it jest kinda brings me back"
K'vynn asks, "odd. the brion brothers were exploring that as well?"
The Orga Hemlock glares at Delirium.
"and we was gitn around ta does Orgas gots Purgatory"
A monster growls, "Bring? Bring back?"
K'vynn asks, "Back to?"
Delirium has fallen to a lightning bolt. (Uh-oh - rescue delayed a hair)
Connie Crete yells, "beer - careful over there"
Delirium is no longer fallen. (Whew)
"so - about what happens when orgas fall"
"oh, ya, we agrees spidies is bad"
K'vynn asks, "Do they go to Purgatory?"
"so there ya be falled, Orga boy, ya departs right?"
"and comes back ta larn better how ta bash tha exiles?"
(lots o tha generic "Die" "Keel" rhetoric)
"we does this a lot"
"well agin, thats jest it"
"Ima not sure we uses tha Altar so much as it calls us"
"I means - does ya "use" beer? or be Beer part o nature"
"Ima thinkin Beer and tha Altar jest be, and we likes ta think we controls thems"
K'vynn asks, "Connie, weren't one in pieces once?"
"that be history - I hasnt never seen it in pieces"
"so technically, I caint say that be possible"
K'vynn says, "purrsonally, i've only seen it in one place/piece."
A monster growls, "Village!"
(Connie Crete would reach over and kick sumone) (I were so mad at Kvynn fer even bringin up tha possibility in their hearin, I could spit!)
A monster growls, "Attack?"
K'vynn asks, "Pirate Altar?"
"yep, tha Pirate Altar"
A monster growls, "Kill!"
A monster growls, "Village! Danger. Help."
"no! tell me they aint attackin than village"
(Tha rescue dun arrived!)
Delirium yells, "FB: MY rat!!!!"
(Tha orgas charges north)
"ya'll be careful now"
The Orga Hemlock glares at Delirium.
Dandelion yells, "Give us our folx back"
Connie Crete yells, "here they comes"
K'vynn ponders, "oh oh"
Connie Crete yells, "careful guys, it be a mean world out there"
(We is rescued and goes on ta storm tha village)

Lookin at tha orga society, it seems ta be an oligarcy o sum form what is havin ta answer ta tha masses. That be why one orga kin not give inta tha pressure ta keel and instead question me. But alla tha orgas has tha freedom ta voice their 'pinions.

We need a plan

Tha plan

Or die

Daimoth aint alone

Orgas pick their battles

Posted by Para at August 17, 2006 02:11 PM

Whats the big deal this the orga? We can just send in Connie to talk them to death! (Nice 'All Your Base' referance)

Posted by: Kinon on August 17, 2006 06:18 PM

Funniest thing I've read in a long, long time :)

Posted by: Praezo on August 19, 2006 10:32 AM
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