"Printed on Recycled Paper"
Issue #41: "Gone Fishin'"
[July 24, 2001]
Fishwrap Magazine is available on the World Wide Web.
You can subscribe here and also read all the back issues.
IN THIS ISSUE
Gurgi gets technical
Vagile interviews Vagile
Catering by Jinx
Sleipnir reports for Fishwrap Music News
Taking the "Panther Challenge"
This issue of Fishwrap Magazine is brought to you by the following
* Clan Rising Claw
* Babajaga the Sylvan
* Clan Pogue Mahone
* Lundar the Mystic
* Rael the Squonk
* Phroon the Thoom
* Thoom Mailing List: The Thoom Information Conduit
* Quest Tracker: The Discussion Group for Quest Information
* Fishmonger: Puddleby's News Kiosk
THOOM HEADLINE NEWS
THE NEWS IN BRIEF FOR BUSY EXILES
"Fishwrap Magazine: Thoom News You Can Use"
brought to you by Fishwrap reporters:
* Tyranis Calgar is now a member of ThoomCare
* ThoomCare member Heronymous is now a fourth circle healer
* ThoomCare member Luthic Darkus has left Puddleby for a long trip
* Callia has become a full mystic
* Long-time Puddleby resident Zwei has left exile
* Neige the Mystic has left Puddleby
* Crippler the Thoom, ThoomCare member and Senior Fishwrap Reporter, remains missing
brought to you by Norm's Diary
* Rieger leaves Zouclougeist Alliance
* Adventures at Umbrion's Island
* Taking the Panther Challenge
* An unscheduled trip to the Abyss
* How not to rescue the Horde
* Famous exiles Jo Ma'ril and Slasher return to the lands
* Reports that Urgelt has passed the sixth circle fighter test
for more information on the above stories, see Norm's Adventures
brought to you by Koric's Journal
* Umbrion's Island accessible without a mystic
* Koric gives Frozen Shade a very rare steel pot
for more information on the above stories, see Koric's Journal
brought to you by Lundar's Library
* Expedition to the Ethereal Plane
* Tenebrion's servant, Sorer
* The Wedding of Firebird
* Elite Darshak Invasion
* Dun'ilsar: ELF vs BOI
for more information on the above stories, see Lundar's Library
Clerus says, "Case #pcl_0542_192_08_49 on 12 Summer, 542 at 10:20..."
Clerus says, "Satan accused Jo Ma'ril of stealing atention away from me..."
Clerus says, "The verdict was frivolous; 436 minutes in jail, 4527c fine and 0 days banished."
Clerus says, "Case #pcl_0542_197_04_03 on 17 Summer, 542 at 5:02..."
Clerus says, "Robin accused Noah of stealing his bloodblade..."
Clerus says, "The verdict was guilty; 28 minutes in jail, 0c fine and 0 days banished."
Clerus says, "Case #pcl_0542_201_10_10 on 21 Summer, 542 at 11:05..."
Clerus says, "Bobo accused Ledward Vicious of endangering the town, and suspected arson...."
Clerus says, "The verdict was frivolous; 159 minutes in jail, 1039c fine and 0 days banished."
Clerus says, "Case #pcl_0542_205_08_52 on 25 Summer, 542 at 9:53..."
Clerus says, "Zelnar accused Mac-arena of operating without a license and stealing my carpet..."
Clerus says, "The verdict was frivolous; 242 minutes in jail, 946c fine and 0 days banished."
Clerus says, "Case #pcl_0542_229_03_46 on 49 Summer, 542 at 4:38..."
Clerus says, "Kira accused Malkor of harassment..."
Clerus says, "The verdict was innocent."
Clerus says, "Case #pcl_0542_246_00_59 on 66 Summer, 542 at 2:16..."
Clerus says, "Forey accused Naamah of the murder of Aeaea, master scholar of the Red Quill..."
Clerus says, "The verdict was guilty; 80 minutes in jail, 395c fine and 0 days banished."
Results from the last ballot, closed Summer 63, 542, with 1361 eligible voters:
#198: POP QUIZ for healers: You have a fallen on the edge of lava. Do you:
6 (16%): Heal the fallen on the lava, over and over until he is too dead to raise.
15 (39%): Pull the fallen off of the fricking lava before raising him.
11 (29%): None of the above
6 (16%): Abstain
Fishwrap Magazine is looking for a few more contributors, reporters and
Advertising rates are quite affordable. Your ad will be read by well
over 150 exiles!
Sponsorships: only 25 coins
Full ads: only 50 coins
THOOM WITH A VIEW
BY PARAMEDIC THE THOOM, EDITOR
Even Thoom healers need a vacation now and then. This month's feature interview is by Fishwrap Senior Reporter Jeanne.
In addition, this issue includes contributions from a variety of exiles.
I'm off to catch some cod. See you next time.
JEANNE TALKS WITH GURGI THE DWARF
I had the great pleasure of talking to Gurgi about the fifth circle fighter's test, how to train for these tests, and much more.
Jeanne: Thank you for agreeing to this interview. I promise to make this as painless as possible. Well, I'll try.
Gurgi: You're welcome.
Jeanne: What were the creatures in the fifth circle fighter test?
Gurgi: Lava beetle, blood wyrm, and banshee.
Jeanne: Do you think that a fighter has to train a certain way to pass the test, or does the test allow for variations in training?
Gurgi: Well, there is a most efficient way, but it is possible with any style; just some would take a lot longer. There are usually three key elements. You need enough defense for the monsters to whiff you, enough Atkus to hit them, and enough damage/time to kill them in the time limit. You can't get around the damage per time, but that requirement is not usually outrageous. Having more damage per time of course increases your buffer for delays, and also your buffer for luck hits since the monsters get to attack you less if you kill them faster. If you lack the defense, then you need a lot more Histia and damage/time to make up for it. That is probably the hardest way to pass the test.
Well, except lacking the Atkus, I guess. If you lack the Atkus to hit them, you are pretty much out of luck, or rather you better be pretty full of it. 8D The only way you could do it then is by being able to kill everything in 1 or 2 luck hits and have very fast swings. Luck is always going to be a factor though any time you take the test. When you train, you are really increasing your chances to pass, not just trying to get to an exact point where you will pass. So once you have Atkus, damage/time and defense to pass you could, but you can still increase your chances by increasing your buffer for luck, like getting more Histia and Darkus/Regia.
Jeanne: What do you think about getting your defense from Histia instead of or in addition to Detha? Since Histia, in my opinion, protects against both regular and luck hits.
Gurgi: If you get it instead of Detha, then you are in for a long road, but Detha is kind of an all or nothing thing. So once you reach a certain point more Detha will not help you in the test. At that point it is useful to get more Histia to increase your buffer for luck hits. Technically you could pass any of the tests with zero Histia, since it is possible that you could never get luck hit. But it's not likely. Once things in the test whiff you at max balance, Histia is one of the best ways to pass (assuming you have the other requirements already).
Jeanne: Oh, so when the creatures in the test whiff you, that's when you know you can go on to other trainers?
Gurgi: Yes, though you don't need to do the requirements in order. You will fail just as surely if you can't hit them, but once you have the minimum requirement then you can increase your tolerance for bad luck with Histia and you can lessen your exposure to monsters by having more Darkus.
Jeanne: Atkus takes a heavy toll on balance; who do you train with to counter that?
Gurgi: Well, you could get Swengus, which is a mix of Regia and Balthus (approximately 50/50), but you could also just get straight Regia. If you just want to keep your swing rate up, plain Regia works fine. In fact, I often do a custom mix of Detha and Regia since Detha replaces the defense lost from taking more Balthus to swing, and Regia makes up for the longer regeneration time.
Jeanne: Ah, it seems that this way is up for a personal preference.
Gurgi: Yes. If you want lots of swings then Swengus is great. I tend to favor detha as defense. Some prefer Balthus.
Jeanne: Do you think that you were given enough time to complete the test?
Gurgi: Yes, I think the time limits are reasonable. If the time limit is too long then people would Troilus a lot. The time limits are to prevent that kind of thing.
Jeanne: Oh yes, although you would need a lot of Troilus to do that, I think.
Gurgi: Well, if there was no time limit I could imagine some people using the testing area for an hour. With a time limit, Troilus can help some, but only if you have a lot.
Jeanne: Could you share some of your tactics in the test?
Gurgi: Well, I try to minimize luck hits, so I basically hit and run everything but you don't want to run out of time either. So you need to make sure you are swinging as fast as you can. Tactics depend a lot on your strengths and weaknesses, but the basic idea is to maximize the ratio of your swings to the monsters swings. You don't want to swing too many times if the monster is going to hit you when you're at low balance. So if you could swing four times in the time the monster can swing twice, you might just settle for a one to one if the monster hits you after one swing. A one to one ratio with max whiff is better than a four to two ratio where the monster hits you every second swing. Also, one little trick I saw in fifth is that it is actually possible to kill the lava beetle without it swinging at you even a single time if you are careful to attack only when it is running in circles and only from behind. That would be useful if you're red and fighting it, which brings me to another point. The order you fight the monsters is important. Usually save the hardest monster for last so you have only that monster to worry about when your fighting it and try to kill each monster rather than just wound several at a time. I suggest everyone have a timer when they fight too, so they know exactly how much time they have left.
Jeanne: It's easy to train for the second circle since you can fight many Ferals in the wild, however, how do you fight those fifth circle critters in the wild to practice?
Gurgi: I don't know about the lava beetle, but the blood wyrms are very common in RC.
Gurgi: Rocky Cavern.
Jeanne: Where is that?
Gurgi: It's just east of the northern entrance to North Pass on the way to the lake. It's on the south wall. The tricky part about wild monsters is they are variable so its hard to tell whether the monster you are fighting is above, below, or equal to a standard monster. They use only standard ones in the tests.
Jeanne: Well, if you can defeat all of the wild monsters then you might be more confident since they all can't be the easiest ones.
Jeanne: Let's see; last question for you. What do you think about the fifth circle area of the fighter's hall? Is the red belt a good enough reward for passing?
Gurgi: Well, I hope they plan on adding more things for fifth and sixth circle. I think sixth circle should have a pendant.
Jeanne: Like a Purgatory pendant?
Gurgi: Right. It could be slightly different, but similar. There are probably going to be some hidden trainers or something too.
Jeanne: You think that there will be more hidden trainers?
Gurgi: Well I know there is a hidden pathfinding trainer so there could be others hidden with him.
Jeanne: Well, I hope that the trainers are able to be accessed from the fighter hall.
Gurgi: That sure would be nice.
Jeanne: At the very least, let us find them and then entice them to come back here; just as with Bracis. It could be an even bigger production to find the new trainers.
Gurgi: I think a cool item would be a life-stealing weapon, so when you hit a monster it heal you some percentage of the damage you do.
Jeanne: But wouldn't that make fighters self-sustainable? It seems that fighters and healers are being made to be dependent on each other.
Gurgi: If the percentage is small it might not be enough in dangerous situations. It could be a good fifth or sixth circle item. It would be more for sustaining fighters in junk hunts.
Jeanne: Do you want to say anything else to the Fishwrap readers?
Gurgi: Don't give up! Any week could be your lucky week.
FROM THE FEN NEWS BUREAU
A surprising addition to the world of Puddleby was introduced during the last Chaos Storm. The ability to keep our weapons at home was an ability long wished for, mainly by healers who usually didn't even use a weapon. Those who use bracers also welcome this change as they fight with their hands. Another change was the addition of a small knife for those that choose to wear cloaks. Human females now have an option to wear pants and they wear their hair differently. I also noticed that cloaked females sat a bit differently and there a number of other changes like this to be found with nearly everyone. If you want to leave your weapon at home too, go to the Fairgrounds and enter the hut in the southwestern corner. You can go in both gender rooms no matter what your gender is, but you can't disguise yourself as any other race. I already tried and it didn't work.
While the main portion of the Outpost has not been opened (it's "real soon now"), a new hunting challenge has been introduced. Located in the small huts next to the Outpost, a Sylvan by the name of Firle Panr to kill 50 Island Panthers in 110 Puddleminutes. I have not taken this challenge but Koric reports on his own web site that the reward was "hundreds of coins."
The Puddleby Open Mic Club! Check out our Open Mic nights at the ballroom for singing, dancing, bard music, skits and everything nice!
Paid for by Tyking II and Xepel
FISHWRAP MUSIC NEWS: SLYPHONICS IN ACTION
BY SLEIPNIR NA GRALAM, FISHWRAP MUSIC NEWS REPORTER
The Slyphonics are pleased to announce the publication of their debut visionalbum "Chain Mail Bikini", which may be found at
In a concert to promote their visionalbum, the Slyphonics played to a packed house of adoring fans, raising the noise and energy to a level previously unheard of in the staid Bards' Field. In her pre-concert show Vagile wound the crowd up to an intense fever of lizard-induced excitement, leading to riotous scenes where the crowd tried to storm the stage to touch the band when they finally appeared.
Despite a few minor technical glitches (ably corrected by Achates who managed the sound system) the Slyphonics' presentation was a flawless blend of blues, folk, and funk, bringing the audience to their feet time and time again, and setting toes tapping throughout all of Puddleby.
The lead singer Slyph surpassed herself in sartorial elegance, appearing (for the first time in Puddleby history) in an actual chain mail bikini, leaving little, if anything, to the imagination of her many adoring fans. Her backing band, looking very stylish in black and gold, set female hearts racing as they set new standards for Puddleby elegance and sex appeal.
It was the show to beat all shows (until, that is, the next Slyphonics show). If you missed it, you missed a truly world-changing event. Don't miss the next one, or you will regret it for the rest of your life. Music like this does not happen often, and when it does it leaves us all with a memory to be cherished in our hearts forever.
Thank you Slyphonics. Puddleby loves you all.
Some selected fan comments:
"I loved the lyrics especially, but the Knight was very, very handsome too". (Lady Babajaga Vanimalda).
"Stupendous. Amazing. Enthralling. The band members were so handsome, and I loved the song lyrics". (Althea)
"The best musical event that Puddleby has ever experienced. A true demonstration of how wonderful the Bards' Guild is and why we should all support Bardship". (Chum)
"Kissing Achates to get backstage was the best thing I ever did. I even got to touch Forey!" (Shamhat).
"I am a superhealer and do not attend such plebeian displays. But I was told it was somewhat enjoyable for those who did so lower themselves." (Klur)
"Slepnor is such a turd. But Slyph is OK" (Baffette)
"Absolutely fantastic! Incredible music and I loved the lyrics especially. That is one sexy band. No, wait, don't publish that. Er..... Bugger, too late." (Blitz)
"This was the best musical show I've ever seen in my entire life. Sleipnir has so many talents it's just amazing. And Coriakin is so Thoomy. Forey's a bit fat for my taste but he would probably be OK with turnips. As for Slyph, well, well, well, what can I say. Wow! What a voice! I'm green with envy." (Prue)
"Vagile offers free lizards to anyone who buys the visionalbum at the advance discount price of 200 coins" (Vagile).
"Slyphonics? Who are they?" (Joe)
sir Sleipnir Na Gralam, Knight of the Rose
Fellowship of the Red Quill
The Order of True and Gentle Knighthood
LOCAL DORF SEEKS HOPS
Dwarven Militia member Gimli is seeking hops. He has plenty of barley and wheat, but lacks the hops he needs to make them into that favorite beverage of all dorfs, beer. He's hoping someone has some for sale or trade.
Rumor is that the infamous faux-fisherman "Chum" ("Chum" may be an alias) is hoarding all the hops.
Contact Gimli if you have hops to share.
Gimli asks, "Para, is it possible to advertise in your paper?"
Paramedic says, "Certainly, Gimli"
Paramedic says, "25 coins for a 1-line ad, 50 for a full ad"
Gimli asks, "Do you take beer in payment?"
Paramedic says, "Nope, beer dries me out. I'm aquatic and the alcohol content is not good for my metabolism."
Gimli hands you 50 coins.
Gimli says, "Well, as you know there is a horrible hops shortage."
Gimli says, "Rumor has it that Chum has been hording all the hops."
Paramedic says, "That sounds like him"
Neige ponders, "Stupid me."
Althea says, "aye"
Gimli is a Dwarf, is male, is a Fighter, and is wearing the symbol of the Dwarven Militia.
He is holding an axe and a wooden shield.
(He wants to open a brewery.)
Gimli has 58 good and 1 bad karma.
Gimli says, "I have collected over sixty bundles of barley and wheat, but I do not have any hops to make them into beer."
Papa thinks, "can a mystic locate holymackeral for me?"
Althea says, "doubtful"
Kira says, "I've only found hops twice"
Shadowmutt growls, "Woof!"
Rieger says, "It's all Aki's fault prolly"
Paramedic says, "Wow"
Lorikeet says, "I found hops once"
Shadowmutt growls, "Grrr."
Althea says, "Naw, its Malkor's"
(Neige blames Salandra and Malkor.)
Rieger asks, "and Neige?"
Paramedic says, "So the ad should say that you are seeking hops, and explain the background (Chum may be hogging them?)"
Xepel is no longer Clanning.
Kira asks, "what about Neige?"
Rieger says, "He's to blame"
Paramedic says, "Sounds like Chum"
Gimli says, "I leave the wording to your editorial expertise."
Paramedic says, "Ok. I'll make up a nice ad"
EXILES ON THE MOVE
Luthic Darkus, one of the founding members of ThoomCare, has left Puddleby for an extended trip back to the mainland. He's not sure if he will return. The members of ThoomCare wish him well and hope that we see him again soon.
Zwei the Fen, a long-time resident of Puddleby, has left exile and will not be returning. Zwei was instrumental in helping to establish the community of Puddleby and she will be missed. Some say she lives on in another realm and in another form.
Neige the Mystic has left Puddleby due to serious disagreements with the way the mystic guild is operated. More than fifty exiles gathered in town to hear his farewell speech.
The following two exiles are missing in action:
Crippler (ThoomCare member and Senior Reporter of Fishwrap)
Dances with Trools (Thoomcare Consulting Physician)
Does anyone have any clue as to their whereabouts?
A directory and enchanted mail service for Thooms
Sixteen Thooms in the directory and more are signing up all the time!
Best Thoomish Regards to all of you!
- Kalthax Thoom
CLAN PROFILE: DORFCARE?
DorfCare? was founded not too long ago by Aries, my dearly departed (and slightly retarded) cousin Rondel, and me, cuz we were drunk and had nuthin' better to do than steal someone else's idea.
As most of you know, clans are outlawed by Mobius. But we're not a clan just a bunch of idiots who yell at each other and start drunken brawls.
These are our clan objectives:
- To one day trick someone into giving us those non-clannar affiliations badges.
- To protect Puddleby and its beer.
- To contain the spread of sobriety and other dumbstuff.
- To promote general Dorfness.
The basic principle of DorfCare? is to defend our beer and improve Puddleby's appreciation of Drunken Brawlin'. We do this through active threats as well as cultural and social pursuits.
The following are clan virtues that each member should embrace: Drunkeness, Heresy, Unspellingness, Money, Bipolarity, and Depravity
We are a pseudo-anarchist/pre-anachronistic/semi-nudist/bicamerally-parliamentarized clan ruled by a council of any given member at any given time. We hold elections for each post on a surprise basis, and any active member can bully any other member out of their office. Each council seat has certain duties.
The DrunkenMaster represents the loudmouth voices of the clan to which ever of the councilmembers may be listening.
The KegMaster represents the clan to other clans and the general populace of Puddleby.
The Sniveling Spy coordinates the clan's information gathering efforts.
The Drunken Brawler organizes the clan's defense of the beer and the clan itself.
And finally the Sleeping Drunkard recovers from last night's debauchery.
We hold many events in Puddleby and the surrounding areas. Every time we get together most folks run away. The hunt gathers wherever there's a rank to whore, a beer to guzzle, or a brawl to engage in.
We are not members of the Dun'islar clan completions.
We get laughed at if we tried to join.
Our clan roster currently has maybe 6 active members if we're lucky and get a few folks drunk. We are proud to claim that one or two of the most infamous and rowdy exiles in the lands have at one time or another yelled: "DorfCare?!! It's gettin ugly and we just got here!"
We are always looking for new ranks to whore and intoxicants to discover.
Currently we are trying to regain access to the murky depths of our decrepid souls.
VAGILE PASSES FOURTH CIRCLE TEST
Vagile passed 4th circle test!
Vagile quickly dispatched the greater wraith, ran to the other side of the room and whacked the green noid until it broke. Then it was Vagile on high yellow vs. the fury. Vagile called it names, poked it in the eye and started dancing. Eventually the fury was on yellow and Vagile was on yellow. Then the fury was on red and Vagile was on yellow. And Vagile thought for the first time in her life she might pass the test.
Vagile swung mightily at the fury's legs and kneecapped it. Poked it in the eye. Taunted it severely a final time and then delivered the coup de grace.
Vagile: So, Vagile how do you feel now that Vagile has finally passed the 4th circle test?
Vagile: Vagile's careful Vagile-training made all the difference.
Vagile: How so?
Vagile: Vagile applied advanced Vagile-fibbing techniques. Vagile yelled "Look there!" and when the fury turned around to see what Vagile was talking about, Vagile hit it by surprise.
Vagile: So you would recommend Vagile-training then?
Vagile: Only if people want to learn something useful, not like what Evus teaches.
Vagile: What plans do you have now as Puddleby's newest fourth circle fighter?
Vagile: Vagile is going to kick Evus with Vagile's fourth circle boots until Evus gives Vagile a book.
Vagile: Congratulations, Vagile.
Vagile: Thank you, Vagile.
Thalion and Luna happily announce their wedding.
Invitations can be found at:
Please R.S.V.P, as the event will be fully catered by Chef Jinx. The couple are not registered, but will accept gifts in the form of ingredients or refreshments for the reception. See Jinx for details. Also, no music accompaniment has yet been arranged. Interested bards, please contact Luna for information.
Everyone is invited to attend this blessed event.
- Thalion and Luna
EXILE PROFILE: SUM THE THOOM
I am called Sum. I am a recent exile, who once was a monk. I lived in the Damp Dragon Dojo, high in the thoomy mountains. I spent my life doing everything, but especially eating fish. I am sure that many of you know the joys of eating fish. Raw, cooked, filleted, grilled, broiled, boiled, and, mainly, eaten!
In this land, I have discovered a few things. One of those things is that you can get fish thrown at you! Yes! In the fairgrounds, there is a place where, upon signalling with a gong, a fish is lobbed at you! What a wonderful thing! At first glance, that is ...
I currently possess Arachnoid Teeth, a Bottle of Water, a Bundle of Wheat, Maha's Claws, a Pretzel, and Tangle Taffy. All of these things are foody. And yet, when I am pelted with a fish, where is it? I have none! This is frustrating! I need a fish! Sure, having fish hucked at you is a pleasure in and of itself ... but what about eating them?
I have been idle for too long. Please do something to avoid being disconnected.
BY YOR THE ZO
Darkhorse is forming a new exploration group called The Lok'Groton Islands' Foundation for Exploration (LIFE). This will be a hardcore, committed exploration group that hopes to unravel the mysteries behind primarily the Foothills, but also Umbrion's Island, The Ethereal Plane, and any other major quest that may come along.
If you have any interest in this type of thing I implore you to read the group's "Manifesto" at:
If after reading the Manifesto you are still interested and can meet the requirements then follow the directions and email the address at the bottom of the Manifesto. Graha.
NEWS AND INFORMATION FROM WINDS OF DAWN CLAN
Get toggle locating tips at:
Info and events for new exiles:
Kiriel D'Sol is conducting free tours of Devil's Island for those intersted in sightseeing and exploration.
ASK THE THOOM
Q: Dear Doctor Thoom:
How come I never get interviewed for the magazine?
- Mr. Lonely
A: Mr. Lonely,
You might want to join a clan and get out of the library more often.
Q: Dear Doctor Thoom:
I like grape juice.
- Mister Foofy
A: Dear Mister, uhm, "Foofy",
Funny, your handwriting looks just like that of Mr. Lonely. And you might want to cut back a bit on the fermented grape juice, buster.
Q: Dear Mr. Thoom,
What do the sparkles mean in the marsh?
A: Dear Baffette:
In Mr. Foofy's case, they mean he's had a bit too much of that grape juice.
Q. Dear Mr. Thoom:
How many thooms would thoom thoomlings if thooms could thoom thoomlings?
A. Dear Zhirem:
Thoom thoom thoom thoom thoom thoom, thoom thoom; thoom thoom thoom.
Q: Hey, Mr. Thoom:
As I am trained in the use of the metal bracers, I was quite happy to be able to, once and for all, discard my weapon, so that all exiles can now see no trace of it! I have since noticed many other exiles fighting apparently weaponless. Yet, when I looked closely, I noticed that they did indeed have an axe or a dagger or some other weapon in their hands. What gives?
A: Dear Mr. Suit-Tie:
Well, I can't speak for the other races, but that object in the belt of Thooms is actually a wooden spoon. We tend to pack a lunch.
Q: Urm, Paramedic,
Some of your Thoom friends intimidated me into giving them an old tuna sandwich they smelled in my coat pocket.
A: Dear Malkor:
You got off lucky.
Q: Dear Mr. Thoom:
We are full pathfinders. Some paths we used to be able to open we cannot open anymore. We don't understand this, because it seems to be beyond reason or natural law. It seems to call into question the entire function and principles of pathfinding.
- Korileet and Fisher
A: Oh, don't even get me started.
HAIKU BY SUM
I once had a fish.
It was raw, and real yummy.
Now it is all gone.
Slip'ry in the sun,
And graceful in the water.
Gulp! Down my gullet!
Mountain shines with rain.
Waves of grass in the valley.
My silence: World's Voice.
Black hawk painting the white clouds.
Crap! I'm low on fish.
I found a gold carp.
Sunshine pure, grace beneath waves.
Quick! Repair the net!
Exploring new lands.
Finding new friends, and fish!
Hearken! Rats go 'SQUEE!'
COMING SOON TO THE FISHWRAP
"Shaved Fen: The Hidden Shame"
Pathfinding Survey by Odesseus
"Who's Your Daddy?" by Papa Thoom
"How to Crack Your Togron Nuts"
"Is That an Anchor in Your Pocket?" by Vagile
"I Can't Believe You Just Called Me a Crouton" by Malkor
Prue's Garage Sale: Half off all halflings. Literally.
"Guide to Reattaching Severed Fen Tails" by Bones the Thoom
Fishwrap Magazine is part of the ThoomCare Media Network.
Publisher and Editor: Paramedic
Senior reporters: Crippler, Charlos, Jeanne, Odesseus
Roving reporters and contributors: Althea, Babajaga, Bones, Callia, Deadmeat, Koric, K'Pyn, Monolith, Norm, Perkusi, Sum, Tyking II
A newspaper is only as good as its reporters, and we are always looking for new stories. If you have news you think belongs in Fishwrap Magazine, send Paramedic some mail (mailbox #1047) or email him at his scroll:
I was a sailor, I was lost at sea
I was under the waves before love rescued me
- U2Posted by Para at July 24, 2001 04:10 PM