TMN EXCLUSIVE: FIVE QUESTIONS WITH FEN PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE STYLUNK
TMN is proud to present the following interview with Fen Presidential Candidate Stylunk.
Hello, good friend Paramedic!
First off, Stylunk am want to thank Paramedic and TMN for am providing some forum for some frank discussion about some future of Puddleby. In these am trying times, it am even more importanter than ever for Puddleby to am come together in some spirit of openness and freedom for am discuss why Stylunk am some best choice for am lead. These am some times that am try Fens' souls. These am some hours of darkness. But with Stylunk and Puddleby am walking side by some side and am standing tall, there am no limit to what Puddleby am able to am accomplish.
1) Why are you running for Fen President? Why Stylunk? Why now?
Stylunk am look around Puddleby, and Stylunk am seeing that Puddlebeans am in pain. Puddlebeans am look at some 700 billion coin castle bailout, and they am hurting. Puddlebeans am look at some Orga war, and they am hurting. Puddlebeans am look at some hideous cloak Inu Teisei am always wearing, and they am hurting.
It am time for some change. Puddley am need to am end years of Largocratic excess, and rehabilitate some image of Puddleby in some eyes of some plane. Can Stylunk am change it? Yes Stylunk am can.
2) Does Largo already have this election in the bag? Are the Largocrats unstoppable?
No. No he am do not, and no they am am not. Stylunk am recently been made aware of some ongoing Puddleby Police Department inquiries into some Largocratic electoral tampering. So-am-called 'voter registration drives' which am run by FFFRFBATNTVAP, some Largo-affiliated 'activist group' which am financed by some wealthy real estate speculator Creed am currently being investigated. If Largo am have any some lead at all in some polls, it am amongst skeletals, hooded corpses, and some detached spirits. When some voter rolls am cleaned, Stylunk am butter them, and then Stylunk am coming out ahead.
3) What do you think are the most important issues facing Puddleby today?
Obviously some first thing that am spring to mind am some Puddlebean financial crisis. But Stylunk am not sure that am really some problem Puddleby am need to focus on . . . in consultation with Stylunk's economic consultants, Stylunk am of opinion that some crisis am some short-term correction, am caused by some severe irresponsibility of greedy persons who am abused some Puddlebean financial system to am generate vast quantities of some fictitious wealth. But am looking beyond some short bleak days that am ahead, Stylunk am believe that some fundamentals of some Puddlebean economics am as sound as ever.
No, Stylunk am think some real greatest threat to some Puddlebean way of life am some Radical Orga. We am already seen some havoc that some Orga am able to bring to some town, and it am time for Puddleby to am take some threat seriously. Stylunk am want to remind some electorate of Largo's am 'checkered' history on some Orga issue; when Largo am first burst on to Puddlebean scene, it am as notable pro-Orga advocate. Am Puddleby able to am afford taking some chance that Largo am still feel some sympathy towards Puddleby's enemies?
4) Yours is an important voice in the Zo community. What will your administration do for the Zo? How will you help ordinary working-class Zos, like Zo the Plumber?
Those who am read Stylunk's cartbiography, Fathers of Stylunk's Father, am know that Stylunk am actually some orphan who am raised by some Sylvans. Stylunk am know nothing about Stylunk's parents; Stylunk am look Zo, but really Stylunk am have no species identity to define Stylunk. And Stylunk am okay with that. Stylunk am want to am move Puddleby beyond 'Zo' or 'Fen' or 'Aki'—Stylunk am want to bring some people together, not am divide them into some groups and tear some apart.
5) Who will your vice presidential candidate be?
Stylunk am keeping Stylunk's options open, possibly until after some election. Stylunk am very much value flexibility. Stylunk can disclose at some time that at least one famous and well-respected purplish Fen am extended some 'feelers' to Stylunk's campaign. There am no shortage of some strong non-Largocratic mavericks who am willing to am join Stylunk on Stylunk's quest to am reform some Fen Presidency.
In keeping with the old Fishwrap Magazine tradition, you are now allowed to ask the Thoom ONE (1) question.
Boxers or briefs?
Ah, good question. Boxers, totally.
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Stylunk L'Unkunklunk
Stylunk for Fen President 57X
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This message and files attached herein may contain confidential data owned by or licensed to the Stylunk L'Unkunklunk for Fen President campaign organization. In this case we probably shouldn't have emailed it to you and sincerely hope it doesn't come back to bite us on the ass.
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Stylunk, it is very inappropriate for you to smear my good name with hurtful accusations like "real estate developer." It's very hurtful. Did I mention my feelings are hurt? I simply want to promote the traditional pony-loving Fen values of the FFFRFBATNTVAP. Why do you hate rainbows and free beer?
Stylunk am think that Stylunk's record on ponies and beer am speak for itself. Stylunk am some only candidate who am endorsed by some New Ghorak Assosciation of Pony Enthusiasts, and Stylunk am been personally endorsed by two members of some Dwarven Militia Clan Council.
Creed, when am some Largocratic attack machine am going to stop, so that Puddleby am can focus on some real issues, like how Stylunk am pro- puppies and rainbows and Largo am want to take every somebody's beer and am give it to some Orga?
Posted by: Stylunk on October 18, 2008 10:25 AMLargo wants ta redistribute beer ta orga? That aint good at all.
ber!
Posted by: Connie on October 18, 2008 01:12 PMHa ha Stylunk, did you get your outdated information on my attire from that Wooly Headed Zo Skirwan? I seriously thought you were above this type of attack on such a good person as Creed. She is a fabulous self made Zu Farmer, healer extraordinaire and aw shucks one of the coolest exiles. Also since when is 5 years a short term correction? You do realize that is about how long it will take us to get out of this mess and see the Puddleby Auction Market recover don't you?
I think you have been infected by Skirwan's various conspiracy theories and other wingnut fantasies. As Proud Puddlebeans we stand by ready and willing to help wash that nonsense out of your brain so you can rejoin mainstream Puddleby society!
Posted by: Inu Teisei on October 20, 2008 10:51 AM