Transcript of Fen President Largo's inaugural speech:
Largo says, "Alright, let's begin. I'm not very good at speeches, but I did work hard at this."
(Largo clears his throat.)
Largo says, "I would like to begin this by saying that I know many of you came here expecting my speech to be a parody of the twisted farce that is mainland politics."
Largo says, "Indeed, the history of the Fen Presidency is steeped in frivolity and jest."
Largo says, "These things certainly have their place, but it isn't here. They have their time, but it isn't now."
Chance ponders, "I like frivolity and jest"
Largo says, "Rest easy knowing, though, that Relkin and I have begun planning related to all sorts of tomfoolery, malarky, and general shenanigans."
Chance ponders, "ah, good"
Largo says, "Know that we will not disappoint you in that respect."
Largo says, "The fact remains, however, that there is a good deal that we have to be serious about."
Skye asks, "Where is Relkin?"
Fiona ponders, "Relkin must be in a secure location"
Largo says, "Most of us are familiar with the tyranny of the Emperor to the far west. He who proudly has much of the civilized world clutched in his steely talons."
Largo says, "And we all know that he is hardly our most immediate enemy."
Largo says, "To the east lie the Orga lands, the T'rool towns, the Arachnoid caverns."
Largo says, "To the west lie islands and waters teeming with Dar'shak. The keeps of the dubious 'Brion wizards."
Largo says, "The planes themselves have begun to converge upon us. Bizarre creatures that mortals were never meant to lay eyes upon swarm our fair town more and more often."
Bakunan ponders, "zzzzzz"
(Largo frowns at Bakunan.)
Largo says, "We are the world's last known vestige of civilized freedom, and we are surrounded on every side by vicious, brutal, cunning, alien, wicked foes."
Largo says, "Some, morally defeated by the difficulties that are so prevalent here, are content to retreat to the relative safety of library and live out our lives there."
Largo says, "Their lives, excuse me."
Largo says, "Others do the best we can - we fight, we heal, we learn. We beat back our enemies, and we survive by the skin of our teeth."
Largo says, "Since we're so preoccupied with other things, our town has gone to hell. Ramshackle huts and lackluster walls lie in shambles, while a team of lazy guards pick their noses and stare into space."
Largo says, "If things are allowed to continue along the path that we are currently on, we will not live to see another forty years."
Largo says, "To be brief and blunt, we are in dire straits. Our situation seems hopeless."
Blindkan-C ponders, "politicians"
Largo says, "But I stand before you today, this glorious winter fifty third, to inform you all that it is not hopeless."
Largo says, "It's true, we are easily outnumbered by our foes, easily outclassed in many ways."
Largo says, "But we few, we exiles have a canniness and determination unmatched by any enemy."
Largo says, "Today I saw mere dozens of us band together against insurmountable odds and emerge victorious in the Orga stronghold, a place that few thought exiles would ever lay eyes on."
Largo says, "Bartok is slain. Drakesblood is slain. Rotbeard and General Issimo are slain. The bringers of chaos, perhaps the truest threat to our survival that we have ever faced, are slain."
Largo says, "We've stitched damaged bits of our plane back together. We've built a University of higher learning. We've done many, many incredible things."
Largo says, "All true testaments to Puddlebean strength, testaments to the canniness and determination that I speak of."
Largo says, "There is hope for a safe and happy future here. If we can accomplish those things, surely we can repair our town and revitalize our population."
Largo says, "I solemnly swear before the lot of you that I will not let the Fen Presidential powers that you have seen fit to give me go to waste."
Largo says, "No, I will apply them where needed like none before me, to pull us through these hard times. To allow us to stop simply surviving, and begin to thrive."
Largo says, "Thank you."
Largo says, "Now, the first person to pass out from drink gets an albino maha pelt."
Largo says, "I mean that."
Largo says, "Go."
Dare pours herself a mug of frothy lager.
Hoggle yells, "BEER!"
Dare raises her lager on high, and drains it in one gulp.
Dare pours herself a mug of frothy lager.
Chance pours herself a perfect mug of cold lager.