November 26, 2006
What Puddleby's Eating

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Recent Election Results:

#433: Which tastes best?
11 (27%): grilled meshra
16 (39%): maha steaks
4 (10%): togron nuts
4 (10%): vermine nuggets
6 (15%): None of the above
0 (0%): Abstain

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Posted by Para at 10:10 AM
Rincewind Gets Stone; Orga Get Revenge

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Yor sent the following report to TMN:

A good group (pictured) gathered for the most recent FMOCR. Before long, we reached the Orga Magician and dispatched him. Rincewind then successfully acquired a strange stone. But the Orga would get the last laugh. On our way home we were ambushed by a massive Orga force in Orga Camp One. There was an especially large amount of Large Death Vermine. The entire group was quickly taken out. Soon after the massacre, we heard news over the sunstone network of Orga all through Tanglewood, East Field, and even parts of town! Retribution for our theft of the strange stone, it would seem. After several hours of heavy fighting, the Orga were vanquished, and what remained of our group was rescued. Be aware of this Orga tactic for future FMOCRs!

-Yor

Posted by Para at 09:31 AM
November 24, 2006
Two Lorikeets

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Kerrah sent the following report to TMN:

Hello Para,

We saw the oddest thing while out and about on our hunt a few evenings ago. While hunting as usual, all of a sudden we noticed that Lorikeet seemed to have replicated herself! At first I thought I was imagining things, but quickly I realized everyone was seeing the same thing as me.

Perhaps Lorikeet is trying to secure herself a role in the next StickLord . . . ?

-Kerrah

Posted by Para at 06:07 PM
Grand Theft Snail; Possible Thoomicide

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Skirwan sent the following report to TMN:

It is with a heavy heart that I must report the apparent disappearance of the female Thoom Skirwan and the potential associated snailnapping of Snailunk.

A suspicious character calling himself "Gullfaxi", which may or may not be his real name, has appeared at the recently-opened petting zoo on Phineas' Island claiming to have purchased Snailunk from Skirwan.

Those close to Skirwan, myself included, agree that she would never willingly part with Snailunk. That, combined with the fact that she has mysteriously vanished (there are no reliable reports of anyone seeing her for nearly thirty zodiacs) leads inevitably to a reasonable suspicion of foul play. At present, the Puddleby Police Department's Grammatical Enforcement Unit is treating this as a potential Thoomicide and grand theft snail. Investigations are ongoing.

Attached please find a file image of the missing Skirwan, as well as a recent image of Gullfaxi, the mysterious stranger that the Puddleby Police Department's Grammatical Enforcement Unit considers a top suspect. The PPD GEU is offering a reward of one free transferable grammatical infraction in exchange for information leading to the safe recovery of Skirwan.

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Posted by Para at 11:18 AM
November 21, 2006
Chaos Storm #469

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Chaos Storm #469 has swept the Lok'Groton island chain. Please post any changes you have observed and wish to share with others in the comments. If you don't want to read possible spoilers, please do not read the comments.

Posted by Para at 11:44 PM
November 20, 2006
PAG's Attempt at the Stronghold

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PAG recently made another attempt at the Orga Stronghold. Read more about it in Shakyamuni's most recent journal entry.

Posted by Para at 11:09 PM
Santa Chicken Sneak Preview

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Geotzou sent the following report to TMN:

Hi Paramedic,

Geotzou here.

I am happy to report that Santa Chicken has visited us, taking a short break from his hard duties of preparing gifts for everyone. This coming Bawkmas should be memorable.

-Geotzou

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Posted by Para at 10:59 PM
November 14, 2006
Political Tragedy

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Fen President Manx and Fen Vice President Largo, along with many other exiles, including Smeester, Sielk, and Crunch, have fallen in Deathtrap Noids. Rescue attempts are ongoing.

Update: Largo and Smeester have been rescued.

Posted by Para at 11:18 PM
November 13, 2006
Fen President Manx

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It's a landslide!

#431: Who has your support for the position of Fen President?
22 (20%): Daimoth
56 (50%): Manx
9 (8%): Odesseus
13 (12%): Tigger
12 (11%): None of the above
0 (0%): Abstain

Manx reports:

The people have spoken! As your new leader, my first order of business will be to ask Daimoth Rumspelt to step down as Secretary of Detha. He'll be replaced by Kerrah. My running mate, Largo, will be sworn in as my vice president. I'm confident he will bring new meaning to the word vice. Thank you to everyone for your support! Free health care for all!

Posted by Para at 09:41 PM
November 12, 2006
Election Night Analysis: Fen President

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by TMN Editor-in-Chief, Paramedic the Thoom

Tonight, Puddleby is selecting a new Fen President. Only hours remain before the polls close, and TMN is here with some final analysis before the results are in.

Manx seems to be in good shape for this election, though there remain some unanswered questions about her tenure as Insurance Commissioner.

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It remains unclear how effective Daimoth's attempt to appeal to the female Thoom demographic will be in this election.

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Early exit poll results suggest that Tigger will continue to appeal to the family values voters of Puddleby.

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The big question tonight, of course, is how will Super Chicken's last-minute attack-ad campaign affect the vote for Odesseus? And what will Fens think of Odesseus's campaign stunt of dressing up like a maha?

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Will Odesseus emerge as the democratically elected leader of the Fens tonight? Exiles will know in just a few hours.

-Para

Posted by Para at 09:13 PM
Trouble on the Campaign Trail for Odesseus

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Super Chicken sent the following last-minute negative campaign ad to TMN:

Oh the horror! The sketch says it all! A presidential scandal is in the works, it seems! And now with Odes being investigated for this scandal, I, Super Chicken, vice president on the Odes ticket, shall agree to take the burden of the Presidency if Odes is elected. Yes, you heard me. Super Chicken for Fen President! Just vote Odes, and I'll win for sure!

*Rubs his grubby chicken hands together greedily*

-Super Chicken

Editor's Note: there are some indications that this image may bear signs of tampering or, um, beak marks. Thoom reports, you decide.

Posted by Para at 08:31 PM
Polls Close Soon for Fen Presidential Election

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The polls will soon close for the election of a new Fen President. Cast your vote today!

The candidates are:

Daimoth

Manx

Odesseus

Tigger

Candidate montage:

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Posted by Para at 08:36 AM
November 09, 2006
Scabfoot

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Aravir reports in his most recent journal entry on an appearance in town by Captain Scabfoot.

Posted by Para at 11:25 PM
Kitlin Progresses

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Kitlin sent the following report to TMN:

Dear Editor,

I am writing to inform you that I passed the fifth circle test.

Mr. Bruno was, as ever, encouraging.

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Normally, I would not mention such a mundane event; however, I was surprised by the sheer efficacy of the creature positioning. Stunned though I was, I did take a picture and wished to pass on to your readers.

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Thank you for your kind attention to this humble story.

-Kitlin

Posted by Para at 11:18 PM
Tsrrin's Last Hurrah

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Kerrah sent the following report to TMN:

Hello Para,

When we thought all the commotion had settled down from the events of Tsrrin, I entered town to find that it had been overrun with Agratii!

Thankfully, Gorvin safely herded all of the zombified immigrants into the zoo. Meanwhile, Althea the Thoom realized the true meaning behind this madness: clearly Joe's campaign to lure more exiles into Puddleby had finally worked, and they all convened in town to celebrate the end of Tsrrin!

-Kerrah

Posted by Para at 08:22 AM
November 06, 2006
Election Talk in Town Center

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Largo and His Shirt

Snow exclaims, "Thoom, Para!"
(Paramedic smiles and waves.)
Paramedic says, "Thoom."
Largo says, "Para, I have a story for you."
Largo says, "it's a followup to the one about my shirt."
Largo says, "I STILL have the shirt."
Paramedic says, "Oh really."
(Largo nods.)
Largo says, "I think it warrants the front page."
Largo says, "So, anyway."
Largo says, "This shirt is front page news."

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(Largo nods.)
Bastion says, "Largo, i sold it to you, making it a pathetic shirt coz i owned it :P"
Paramedic asks, "So, Largo, who will you and your shirt be supporting for Fen President?"

Largo says, "Oh, Manx."
Largo says, "Easy."
Largo says, "She's cutest."
Largo asks, "Wait, who's running again?"
Paramedic says, "Daimoth, Manx, Odesseus, and Tigger"
Largo says, "Oh."
Bastion says, "Daimoth"
Bastion says, "by far"
Bastion says, "coz he beats me up ifi dont vote for him"
Paramedic says, "I think it's going to be a competitive election"
(Largo strokes his chin.)
Largo says, "Out of those cantidates, Manx is still cutest."
Paramedic asks, "How about you, Snow? Looking forward to the Fen Presidency election?"
Snow exclaims, "Err...sure!"
Andarius ponders, "fensident?"
Snow asks, "Who's running again?"
Paramedic says, "Everyone should vote, it's an important election"
Andarius ponders, "is that a tooth paste?"
Paramedic says, "Daimoth, Manx, Odesseus, and Tigger"
Bastion asks, "whos runnign what now?"
Largo says, "Right, because the fen president does so much."
(Paramedic nods)
Largo says, "It'd be wrong to put all our fates in the hands and paws of the other voters."
Largo says, "Frankly, I'd like to know why Relkin didn't run this year."
Snow says, "Odesseus does catnip, he just claims he doesn't inhale."
(Smeester is confused)
Smeester says, "i went to the corner, and they all started there"
Smeester says, "i was trapped from the moment it started"
Bastion says, "wierd..."
Smeester says, "yeah.."
Bastion says, "blame GMs"
Largo says, "He's got even Manx beat for looks, and I bet he'd appoint me in charge of something."
Smeester says, "never gonna pass if that keeps happening"
Bastion says, "or blame Polerand"
Smeester says, "grr"
Smeester says, "hate that test"
Snow says, "Poor Smeester."
Janus says, "There there Smee"
Janus says, "I failed sixth... if that makes you feel any better"
Smeester exclaims, "but they all spawned right on me!"
Paramedic says, "It's always hard to decide who should get more blame, GMs or Polerand"
Smeester exclaims, "that shouldnt happen!"
Bastion says, "yes Para"
Smeester says, "i never moved more than a foot.."
Bastion says, "it is very hard..."
Smeester says, "grr"
Bastion says, "Iím still deciding wether we should start blaming Largo..."
(Andarius tilts his head a smidge)
(Smeester now wants to go kills things, to get the anger out)
(Paramedic nods)
Largo says, "Pfft."
Snow says, "I say we just begin fighing amongst ourselves"
Largo asks, "Who could blame this face?"
(Largo bats his eyelashes.)
Janus ponders, "everyone"
Super Chicken yells, "Bawk!"

Hoggle Wonders about the Issues

Paramedic asks, "How about you, Hoggle? Looking forward to the Fen Presidency election?"
Hoggle says, "hrm...."
(Whim wants to be Fen President)
Bastion asks, "why isnít Gorvin running for Fen President?"
Snow says, "I thought these were Mid-Fen elections."
Hoggle says, "not quite sure I know where they are on the issues i care about.."
WormTounge says, "Daimoth's been campagining."
Hoggle asks, "like where are they on colored helmets for dwarves?"
Largo says, "Manx loves fashion, Hoggle."
(Snow flings a rock at Super Chicken)
WormTounge says, "Hoggle, taxes, military spending and the like."
Paramedic says, "I'm hoping the candidates will be issuing some statements"
(Super Chicken gets bonked on the head with Snow's rock)
Hoggle says, "I hear Daimoth suggests we cut and run vs. the Bartok situation.."
Whim blows hard into a sea horn.
Super Chicken exclaims, "!"
Hoggle says, "while Manx wants to stay the course.."
(Snow laughs)
Super Chicken blows his horn.
WormTounge says, "Although I think it's more the issues he thinks the people he's talking to are interested in."
Super Chicken blows hard into a sea horn.
Largo says, "It's not like anyone listens to the fen president anyway."
Whim ponders, "Super Chicken is a blow hard"
Largo says, "And Manx is easily the best looking."
Super Chicken asks, "Why don't you run for fen president, Largo?"
Super Chicken conks Largo with a greymyr rock candy.
Largo says, "I would have, if I'd known the election was coming."
Paramedic says, "Yes, perhaps you can be a future candidate, Largo"
Super Chicken conks Janus with a greymyr rock candy.
Hoggle says, "kalian for ranger fen president imo.."
Snow picks up a greymyr rock candy.
Largo says, "I'm not terribly interested in politics, but I think I could do alot of good."
Largo says, "So, anyway. Manx is the best candidate this year, at least."
(Smeester hurls a coin at Janus' head)
(Janus takes the coin.)
Bastion picks up a coin.
Bastion exclaims, "woo!"
Bastion exclaims, "Iím rich!"
Janus ponders, "thief"
(Smeester throws another)
(Bastion throws money at Janus)
Janus picks up a coin.
Hoggle ponders, "imo bastion is one of those lobbiests trying to push his no taxation on untraining."
Janus says, "Woo"
Janus exclaims, "I'm rich!"
(Whim nods)
Smeester says, "letís go get richer"
Bastion ponders, "heh"
(Janus lazes.)
Largo asks, "Who DOES select the candidates, anyway?"
Largo asks, "Does being fen president mean you get to boss Noivad around?"
Paramedic says, "I doubt it"
Largo asks, "What exactly does it entail?"
Largo says, "Haha. enTAIL."
Smeester says, "bah"
Largo asks, "Get it?"
Paramedic says, "hah"

Daimoth Reveals His Platform

Daimoth is now Clanning.
Paramedic says, "there's a candidate now"
Paramedic says, "You could ask Daimoth"
Largo says, "But you're a reporter, you're supposed to have all my answers."
Paramedic says, "Nah, as a reporter I get to ask all the questions"
Daimoth asks, "Why isn't Lorikeet running this year?"
Largo says, "Right, then relay the answers to me."
WormTounge says, "Or Valtrim"
Daimoth says, "Because Valtrim's corrupt."
WormTounge says, "That wouldn't stop him running."
Paramedic says, "I think there's some sort of term limit so the same people don't get elected over and over"
Largo asks, "And Tigger isn't?"
WormTounge asks, "Daimoth, why are you campagning against someone who's not running?"
Kalian says, "He likes competition"
Daimoth says, "Because we still have to clean up the effects of his presidency."
WormTounge says, "You've been saying "Down with Valtrim" constantly. Yet there's no reason to."
Daimoth says, "Yes there is."
Daimoth says, "I believe he has allies. Some of whom are running now. They are a part of his corrupt party."
Largo says, "Sounds like a conspiracy theory to me."
Daimoth says, "Conspiracy Fact."
Paramedic says, "Perhaps he's defining himself against the present Fen President administration"
(Daimoth nods.)
Largo asks, "What exactly did he do?"
Daimoth says, "Look at where his presidency has gotten us."
WormTounge says, "Helped rescue people who fell. Gave mystic boosts."
Largo asks, "The same place all the others have?"
Largo says, "I'm pretty sure the fen president doesn't actually DO anything."
Daimoth says, "If I am made president, I will make seventh and eighth fighter tests a reality."
Kalian exclaims, "woo!"
(Kalian cheers)
(Daimoth nods.)
(MaryJane considers putting her vote up for sale)
(WormTounge laughs.)
Daimoth ponders, "Hmm."
WormTounge says, "I'm sure buying votes isn't against the rules."
MaryJane ponders, "poor mystics can be bought"

Rakshasa: Jaded about Fen Politics

Rakshasa is now Clanning.
(MaryJane takes lessons from Malkor)
Paramedic exclaims, "Rakshasa!"
Rakshasa says, "thoom, Para"
Paramedic asks, "What's your position on the Fen Presidency?"
Lorikeet is now Clanning.
Daimoth asks, "Why hasn't Rakshasa been nominated yet? He'd win too easily?"
Rakshasa ponders, "fen politics is a joke..."
Rakshasa says, "Um"
Rakshasa says, "it's a very serious matter but"
Rakshasa says, "so far I've been in support of Daimoth, I guess"
Tomato sets down his heavy pretzel box.
(MaryJane giggles)
(Paramedic listens)
Lorikeet crunches on a pretzel.
Rakshasa says, "cause he's the only person I've seen on..."
Daimoth ponders, "He guesses?"
Rakshasa asks, "who else is there ?"
Tomato sets down his heavy pretzel box.
Paramedic says, "Manx, Odesseus, Tigger"
Tomato sets down his heavy pretzel box.
(Largo grins.)
Tomato sets down his heavy pretzel box.
Rakshasa says, "oh right"
Lorikeet says, "Yes I see I must have displeased you, Para ;)"
Tomato sets down his heavy pretzel box.
Leggo says, "=)"
Tomato sets down his heavy pretzel box.
Manx is now Clanning.
Leggo asks, "wtf?"
(Leggo points at the pretzles)
Leggo takes a pretzel from the box.
Paramedic says, "I think it's some obscure term limits thing, Lori"
MaryJane ponders, "you can't get out of the library now"
Lorikeet says, "Doubt it."
Lorikeet says, "You just don't like me any more."
Kalian asks, "There is a rule book?"
(Paramedic rolls his eyes and whistles)
Koppi yells, "Paramedic reports: It's election time. Be sure to cast a vote for Fen President!"
WormTounge says, "Lorikeet, if you were on the ballot it might split the vote Daimoth's trying to get."
(Daimoth nods at Paramedic, deftly slipping his flash money back into his pocket.)
Shadowmutt growls, "Grrr."
Lorikeet says, "Yes. Para likes him now."
Shadowmutt notices Daimoth and wags its tail.
Kerrah ponders, "Who wouldn't?"
Kalian says, "Don't worry Lori, Para hates me too."
Paramedic says, "Arguably, it helps if TMN has an embarrassing image of you in the archives"

Manx Greets the Voters

Manx crunches on a pretzel.
Lorikeet says, "Yes you put that in too."
Paramedic says, "Oh, it's Manx, another candidate"
Daimoth ponders, "Oh here comes Manx with her daily dose of propaganda."
WormTounge says, "Hello Manx."
Manx exclaims, "Greetings, constituents!"
(Kerrah scoffs.)
Lorikeet says, "..."
Kerrah ponders, "What a kiss-up."
(Manx gives her best parade wave!)
(Daimoth scoffs.)
(Kalian grins)
Paramedic asks, "Manx, what do you think about Odesseus' idea of putting Super Chicken on his ticket?"
Paramedic asks, "Can Fens and a bird really get along?"
Kerrah says, "For dinner, sure."
Manx says, "I think so."
Kalian says, "Sounds like a good meal to me"
(Manx picks her teeth.)
(Paramedic nods)
Rakshasa says, "hmm"
Rakshasa asks, "Daimoth, Manx, what are your opinions on ducks in favor of chickens?"
(Rakshasa quacks.)
Manx says, "Well..."
(Largo grins.)
Daimoth says, "I don't support bipartisan behavior."
Manx says, "If I can count on the votes of the Zouclougeist Alliance,"
Manx exclaims, "I'm all in favor of ducks!"

Tomato Surrounds the Libraries with Boxes of Pretzels

Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
Bastion takes a pretzel from the box.

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Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
Bastion takes a pretzel from the box.
Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
Bastion takes a pretzel from the box.
Kerrah ponders, "Sounds wishy-washy to me."
Daimoth ponders, "Manx is a flip-flopper."
(Manx straddles the fence at every opportunity.)
Cecil thinks, "uh, whats going on?"
Manx says, "My publicist tells me that I will cut taxes."
Altir thinks, "lookin fer hops."
Kerrah ponders, "Michael is her publicist."
Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
Manx says, "And I just got confirmation from my running-mate."
Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
Bastion takes a pretzel from the box.
Cecil thinks, "who the hell put all these boxes here"
Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
Bastion takes a pretzel from the box.
Daimoth ponders, "Heh"
Bastion takes a pretzel from the box.
Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
Bastion takes a pretzel from the box.
Paramedic says, "Man, that's a lot of crunching"
Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
Bastion takes a pretzel from near the bottom of the box.
Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
(Hadji waves)
Bastion takes a pretzel from near the bottom of the box.
Manx ponders, "Crunch"
Bastion yells, "everyone come help eat these please"
Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
Bastion takes the last pretzel from the box.
Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
Bastion takes a pretzel from the box.
Cecil crunches on a pretzel.
Kalian says, "uh"
Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
Manx exclaims, "this is an outrage!"
Cecil takes the last pretzel from the box.
Kerrah ponders, "..."
Bastion takes a pretzel from the box.
Tomato sets down his heavy pretzel box.
Cecil crunches on a pretzel.
Cecil takes a pretzel from the box.
Cecil crunches on a pretzel.
Cecil takes a pretzel from the box.
Aria says, "where is the beer for all them pretzels"
Bastion says, "not sure but its damned annoying"
Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
Cecil takes a pretzel from the box.
Bastion takes a pretzel from the box.
Cecil crunches on a pretzel.

pretzel-boxes-2.gif

Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
Cecil takes a pretzel from the box.
Cecil takes a pretzel from the box.
Rakshasa exclaims, "Outrage!"
Bastion takes a pretzel from the box.
Cecil crunches on a pretzel.
Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
Cecil takes a pretzel from the box.
Bastion takes a pretzel from the box.
Cecil crunches on a pretzel.
Manx ponders, "Plying our taxpayers with salted goodies so close to election time."
Cecil takes a pretzel from the box.
Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
Paramedic says, "This may be an election tactic"
Cecil crunches on a pretzel.
Cecil takes a pretzel from the box.
Manx takes a pretzel from the box.
Cecil crunches on a pretzel.
Paramedic asks, "Who placed all these?"
Cecil takes a pretzel from the box.
Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
Bastion takes a pretzel from the box.
Aria watches the feast.
Cecil crunches on a pretzel.
Manx crunches on a pretzel.
Kalian asks, "a crazy person?"
Bastion says, "dunno but i wanna kill em"
Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
Bastion takes a pretzel from the box.
Paramedic says, "hmm"
Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
Manx takes a pretzel from the box.
Rakshasa ponders, "This is like old school foothills with no shovel"
Bastion takes a pretzel from the box.
Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
Manx takes a pretzel from the box.
Bastion takes a pretzel from the box.
Rakshasa crunches on a pretzel.
Daimoth says, "It's like what Kerrah's dinner must look like."
Paramedic crunches on a pretzel.
Aria takes a pretzel from the box.
Aria crunches on a pretzel.
Manx crunches on a pretzel.
Rakshasa crunches on a pretzel.
Kerrah exclaims, "I don't eat anywhere near that much salt!"
Aria crunches on a pretzel.
(Largo grins.)
Aria takes a pretzel from the box.
Rakshasa takes a pretzel from the box.
Kerrah says, "I am a meat-eater, through and through."
Aria crunches on a pretzel.
(Manx's blood pressure spikes!)
Bastion takes a pretzel from the box.
Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
Kerrah says, "Usually sausage."
Rakshasa takes a pretzel from the box.
Bastion takes a pretzel from the box.
Aria crunches on a pretzel.
Nerazus asks, "what the?"
Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
Bastion takes a pretzel from the box.
Tomato sets down his heavy pretzel box.
Aria crunches on a pretzel.
Aria takes a pretzel from the box.
Aria crunches on a pretzel.
Tomato sets down his heavy pretzel box.
Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
Aria takes a pretzel from near the bottom of the box.
Bastion takes a pretzel from the box.
Kalian says, "heh"
Aria crunches on a pretzel.
Kerrah ponders, "All the crunching!"
Aria takes a pretzel from near the bottom of the box.
Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
Bastion takes a pretzel from the box.
Tomato sets down his heavy pretzel box.
Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
Bastion takes a pretzel from the box.
Kerrah ponders, "Making my ears bleed."
Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
Bastion takes a pretzel from the box.
Bastion crunches on a pretzel.
Daimoth says, "There's a whole other batch next to the other library."
WormTounge takes a pretzel from the box.
Bastion takes a pretzel from the box.
Aria says, "it is kinda fun though '"

Posted by Para at 11:05 PM
November 05, 2006
Fen Presidency FAQ

electionhouse.jpg

Q: Does one have to be a Fen to be nominated or elected as Fen President?

A: No.

Q: Does one have to be a Fen to vote for Fen President?

A: No, definitely not. All exiles should participate!

Q: Who selects the nominees for Fen President?

A: Stop asking so many questions and study up on the candidates. Your vote matters!

Posted by Para at 10:52 PM
Fen President Election Time

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It's once again time for exiles to cast their ballots at the Election Hall for Fen President. As with the previous elections, the stakes will be high and the campaigning fierce for this ill-defined office with no clearly determined duties, obligations, or responsibilities. Please examine the following candidates to decide your favorite.

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Daimoth is making his first appearance in Fen presidential politics. He is seen here attacking potential voters.

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Manx, a top contender in previous races, has political experience as insurance commissioner. She is seen here making her famous "Dungheap Address."

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Odesseus is another familiar name to Fen politics. "Music soothes the savage beast" is his campaign theme for the upcoming election.

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Tigger, running for the second time, is seen here fresh out of poppies. He claims that he did not inhale them.

Previous winners have included:

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Lorikeet
Her successful term was marred only by accusations that she ran through town without clothing as a campaign tactic.

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Valtrim
Valtrim's term as Fen President is now coming to an end. What follows are his remarks after being told he had won:

Valtrim asks, "UhÖ I did?"
Valtrim says, "That'sÖ bizarre."
(Valtrim laughs.)
Valtrim says, "Well, people certainly know who to pick if they don't want anything done."

Polling is open now. Vote today! As the Zo say, "Vote early, vote often, and hurt those who disagree with you!"

Posted by Para at 09:28 PM
Troublesome Chicken

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Chance sent the following report to TMN:

Hail Para,

I'm sad to say that Super Chicken's dastardly chicken crimes continued during Tsrrin.

He threatened to get me, and sure enough he hasóas you can see by the attached evidence!

He appeared to be minding his own business, having fun like everyone with the Tsrrin costumes.

I wandered up to join the fun and was immediately sexually harassed!

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Oh the chickenanity!

I managed to get past this awkward incident and was helping Super Chicken with some decorating duties in the Mini Mansion. We needed something from my apartment, so I foolishly invited him in. You can see the result. Licking! Licking every surface! Yharren and I are going to have to sterilize everything we own. It's just awful!

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Chicken! You must change your chickening ways!

Sadly,
-Chance

Posted by Para at 08:21 PM
Creed Reports on Tsrrin 564

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Creed sent the following report on Tsrrin to TMN:

Hail Para!

Your intrepid roving reporter had her sketchpad and quills handy throughout the feast of Tsrrin this year, and you may be sure I captured a number of interesting and fun incidents throughout the feast.

The availability of a Thoom costume in the costume shop allowed many exiles to indulge their secret desire to be a thoom, leading to an even longer than usual thoomlineóand much less dignified than usual, may I add (see above).

There was also a "Pengyline" thanks to members of Falinea's Blade and some guests.

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Tsrrin always brings about a lot of random foolishness, such as this ill-conceived hunt to the passes that resulted in Ragin' Cajun falling to a vermine.

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And you get to see surreal sites like Spriggin vs. Tokhan in the Coliseum.

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The two-dimensional cardboard cowdog costume caused a great deal of both fun and controversy as demented exiles galloped about bellowing MOOF in every ear.

Another new costume this year was the rainbow vulture from Metz, which many exiles adopted when it appeared in the shop. It caused much excitement even in sedate exiles like Yharren.

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He even followed me into the auction house and committed what one might call porkual harassment.

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I think the pig costume is what really drives people wild, however; witness hijinks with Clubby . . .

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and with another rainbow vulture in Town Center . . .

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I had to plead disease to get those birds off me! I had a lot of fun throughout Tsrrin, running about dressed as a pig through most of the feast and hunting with my fellow Attack Pigs, Clubby and Rhys.

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Well, I hope everyone enjoyed this little remembrance of Tsrrin 564 as much as I enjoyed putting it together. Until next year . . . ATTACK PIGS UNITE!!!

-Creed

Posted by Para at 07:45 PM
Captain Scabfoot Collapses

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Chance sent the following report to TMN:

Hail Para,

I am writing to report on a rather sad encounter with Captain Scabfoot that occurred late in the evening on Sombdi. I had noticed that the Captain was in the lands, and upon inquiring I was told he was with several exiles in MaryJane's apartment. Evidently they were trying to help him recover from his previous encounter with the Necromancer.

Suddenly the sunstone network lit up with warnings that Captain Scabfoot had escaped. He ran south, entering South Farms and beginning to pound desperately upon the locked doors, calling for help. It was very sad and confusing as exiles surrounded him, trying to keep him from running without hurting him further. He was finally cornered against a fence, where many attempts to speak to and/or calm him failed.

His only semi-coherent remarks before he collapsed from the strain were something about "Darkness..." and "Olive..." It was clear that Scabfoot was in great distress. Several exiles went to try to find Olivebeard, but they were not able to get any information before a Darshak Skirmisher appeared in the South Farm. The Skirmisher killed nearly everyone there, including myself, and Scabfoot ran away with the Skirmisher in pursuit.

The last I heard was that Scabfoot had somehow managed to make it safely back to MaryJane's home, where he is once again resting in relative safety. If anyone knows more news, I would welcome their comments!

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-Chance

Posted by Para at 06:29 PM
Super Chicken Blows Hard

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Super Chicken sent the following announcement to TMN:

Chicken's Annoyingness Doubles! T'is true! With the introduction of the sea horn my hornie chicken ways have doubled. Watch out, Puddleby! This chicken packs two horns now!

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-Super Chicken

Posted by Para at 05:07 PM
November 02, 2006
Chaos Storm #466

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Chaos Storm #466 has swept the Lok'Groton island chain. Please post any changes you have observed and wish to share with others in the comments. If you don't want to read possible spoilers, please do not read the comments.

Posted by Para at 11:30 AM
New Hunting Group

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Turalyon sent the following announcement to TMN:

Hey Paramedic, Turalyon here. I am hoping to start a 3rd-5th circle hunting group. We need healers the most, but everyone is welcome. Exiles can find out more in the thread on the Sentinel or send me a PM on the Sentinel.

-Tura

Posted by Para at 11:28 AM